THE POWER OF EXPLAINING

Our explanations to our neurodivergent children are so powerful.

It often comes up when I’m talking to parents. Whatever your child's current language ability (spot the growth mindset!), I'd lay money on them understanding more than we sometimes give them credit for.

Examples of some things we could explain more about:

🧡 why we ask them to clean their teeth, brush their hair, go to bed or visit grandma

💛 why there are rules about when and where to cross the road

💚 why we use gentle hands and words

I'm a big fan of giving our kids REASONS.

Details, rationale, not just versions of "Because I said so" / "Because I'm the parent!" (though we might wish that had more traction, accepting it doesn’t is more useful to us!) Our verbal children can have a LOT of why questions (understatement in our house).

Let's give them useful answers.

We can talk to our less verbal children as if they understand every word. It's very likely truer than the opposite, AND we get to believe there is mutual understanding without needing evidence of it.

Many autistic adults have spoken about how much they understood before they could express themselves clearly. We all learn language that way, some people take a while longer. Others like ‘I/ we want some time to ourselves this evening', might be useful to explain too!

I wouldn’t offer a detailed explanation in the midst of a meltdown: the fewer words the better. Help regulating is what’s needed in those moments. Being calm yourself, breathing, reassurance, hugs or physical touch if they accept them.

And we don’t need to explain every time what our child already knows but maybe wishes weren’t that way. Loving consistent consequences have a place as well in helping our children know where the boundary lies.

It’s there to keep them safe (explanation!)

This has been so useful with our son, he now explains what he thinks the rationale might be to me, often before I do. It’s helped my clients to support their children with moving house, accepting a new baby sibling, doing homework, leave the home and heaps more.

Think of one thing you want to explain more clearly to your child.